So I stopped by a garage sale on my way to an unrelated garage I’m interested in purchasing and picked up this book by David. It’s the first fiction (??) I’ve read by him!
David, here is my review!
- I liked how you described your costume as “leaving nothing to the imagination, except perhaps how the faces I’d make would look as you slowly cut me out of it”
- colophon was complete and well-detailed
- the way you kept saying “THIS IS REAL AND IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!” at least once per chapter
- the way you wrote “(WOW!!)” after each one of your superhero feats as if you, the writer, were amazed by your own imagination?
- the way you kept using “IRL” and how you kept writing “(that’s short for ‘in real life’)” afterwards every single time
- telling librarians where to file the book on the cover
- the fact you made me your sidekick but kept describing me as “the handsome, more powerful one”??
- ending seemed a bit forced
Well, well, well! Once again Ryan North has stooped to LIBEL and SLANDER in order to besmirch my reputation as a LITERARY POWERHOUSE ON THE RISE.
In your haste to criticize this book, I see you entirely skipped the prologue, which provides important contextual clues for all the pages that follow!
You see, Ryan, this book is in fact a transcript of a dream I had as a teenager, which was so weird and interesting that I thought everyone else should know about it!! In most of it I thought I was in my high school, but it was also kind of like my mom’s house, but my first boss was also there? CRAZY, HUH????? I describe it all at length, in the book!!
My alarm went off at the end which is why the climactic boss battle resolves with “I had to leap up and go pee all of a sudden. TO BE CONTINUED????” which is totally a valid literary device!
THERE. ALL OBJECTIONS ANSWERED HANDILY.