AT LAST, THE RESULTS

It started right here: STEPS 1-3

Four days later, the envelopes arrived. Note the early sign that not all directions were followed exactly:

WHAT IS INSIDE????

Exactly, 100% the opposite of what we asked for. There is a severe lesson here:

THEY’RE ALWAYS OUT TO SCREW WITH US

Protect your valuable mailables with the Please Bend™ Stamp.

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EDIT: Some folks have questioned why the stamps are not canceled. Some have even gone so far as to assume malfeasance on my part! The truthful answer is: I don’t know why they’re not canceled, but I’m actually not surprised — as my previous postal experiment showed, it’s not uncommon for stamps to skate through the system without being canceled. In an unexpected part of that prior experiment, I sent a single envelope back and forth from Los Angeles to Seattle three times without the stamp ever being canceled. I still have that stamp, I could use it tomorrow if I wanted to.

Besides, seriously? I am not bored or trollish enough to fake something like this. It really happened exactly as it appears it did. I am overjoyed to live in a world that works this way.