weathercow asked: David, love your work! Are you coming to Phoenix Comicon again?

Unfortunately I won’t make it to Phoenix this year :/ But I had a good time last year with our big yellow ball and the fire alarm and the cut-in-half-screaming-guy and I went home with a Ninja Turtles sleeping bag from the guest goodies room.

thunderbot:

I accidentally stole David Malki !’s free sticker sticky! I can never visit the Topaco booth again for shame. #ECCC #Topaco #sorrydavid #accidentalthief

YOU’RE FIRED

j/k the post-it was technically a sticker so it was I guess technically free so you’re OK

I GUESS

thunderbot:

I accidentally stole David Malki !’s free sticker sticky! I can never visit the Topaco booth again for shame. #ECCC #Topaco #sorrydavid #accidentalthief

YOU’RE FIRED

j/k the post-it was technically a sticker so it was I guess technically free so you’re OK

I GUESS

bankshot:

viergacht:

This is so true, it’s rather painful.

One day i will run into David Malki, and on that day I will buy him beer in—O, sir! Such quantity as you shan’t believe. 

This was reblogged by Cracked? Hi Cracked

bankshot:

viergacht:

This is so true, it’s rather painful.

One day i will run into David Malki, and on that day I will buy him beer in—O, sir! Such quantity as you shan’t believe. 

This was reblogged by Cracked? Hi Cracked

(via cracked)

"Former relationship expert Ryan North takes you on a truth-spittin’, no-holds-barred journey through the frontiers of the genderclash…Finally daring to describe fundamental natural laws that the P.C. police (and Obama-style self-appointed guardians of ‘politeness’) would rather be forgotten!
"Learn about:
• The 12 Rules Of Power Play (Hint: There’s more than 12!)
• What Penguins Do In Private – And Why We Don’t Do The Same (Anymore)
• Five ‘Magic’ Words That Guarantee She’ll Never Forget You, Ever
• The Rule Of Archimedes – In The Bedroom And The Boardroom And The Boardwalk And Park Place, Too…If You Want It, Take It!
• Wandering Womb Syndrome – Ancient Myth Or Mere Superstition? Or Something More?
• Giving Her The ‘Secret Loyalty Test’ – Before She Gives It To You
• Beat Any Paternity Suit! How To Microwave Your DNA – For Good
• Nineteen Spam-Filter-Beating Synonyms For ‘Misandry’ That Have Increasingly Cruel Connotations
• How To Deserve Any Job You Want – From Birth
• ‘I Can’t Be An Asshole If I’m Right’ – Proving This Old Maxim With Ironclad Logic
• The #1 Haircut For Getting Married – And Staying Married, If That’s What You Want
• I’m Sorry, But You Should Never Apologize. And That’s A Canadian Speaking!”
[ BOOKWAR ]

"Former relationship expert Ryan North takes you on a truth-spittin’, no-holds-barred journey through the frontiers of the genderclash…Finally daring to describe fundamental natural laws that the P.C. police (and Obama-style self-appointed guardians of ‘politeness’) would rather be forgotten!

"Learn about:

• The 12 Rules Of Power Play (Hint: There’s more than 12!)

• What Penguins Do In Private – And Why We Don’t Do The Same (Anymore)

• Five ‘Magic’ Words That Guarantee She’ll Never Forget You, Ever

• The Rule Of Archimedes – In The Bedroom And The Boardroom And The Boardwalk And Park Place, Too…If You Want It, Take It!

• Wandering Womb Syndrome – Ancient Myth Or Mere Superstition? Or Something More?

• Giving Her The ‘Secret Loyalty Test’ – Before She Gives It To You

• Beat Any Paternity Suit! How To Microwave Your DNA – For Good

• Nineteen Spam-Filter-Beating Synonyms For ‘Misandry’ That Have Increasingly Cruel Connotations

• How To Deserve Any Job You Want – From Birth

• ‘I Can’t Be An Asshole If I’m Right’ – Proving This Old Maxim With Ironclad Logic

• The #1 Haircut For Getting Married – And Staying Married, If That’s What You Want

• I’m Sorry, But You Should Never Apologize. And That’s A Canadian Speaking!”

[ BOOKWAR ]

ryannorth:

A lot of David’s “Wondermark” Malki’s books that I’ve come across have been embarrassing or mean to me forNO REASON but this is the first of his books that I’m actually REALLY into!  This is awesome!!
I’d never heard of Horsey Race 64 (there’s not even an entry for it on the Mario Wiki, which is NUTS) but check out these interview excerpts from David’s book:

Nintendo’s offices at that time were open, but everyone had their own cubicle.  People would move around, depending on what projects were being worked on.  Me and a few other developers had worked out this - demo, I guess you’d call it, where Mario was a horse, and Bowser was a horse, and everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom was a horse now too.  We saw it as a culmination of Miyamoto’s dream of Centaur Mario, which we’d been unable to realize for Mario 3…
…I’d implemented most of the gaits: walk, trot, canter, but gallop was giving me trouble to get it just right.  I’d called [Tom] over to help me get Mario’s trot just right when the higher-ups noticed a bunch of us crowded around my desk.  His scent was intoxicating…
…At first everyone was excited about this game that we were calling Okay, Wow, Mario’s A Horse Now.  We’d only implemented Horsio, Horsuigi, Horsecess Peach, and King HorseBowser, but we had a pet-and-groom mode for each that, years later, would be recycled for Nintendogs…
…you could form this really meaningful relationship with our members of the Horseroom Kingdom: they’d remember who you were and how you’d treated them in the past.  You built up trust with them.  Several devs were caught staying late just to program in some extra treats for their favourite horses (and yes, I admit, I slipped Horsey Kong a few extra apples here and there)…
…we’d built a Grand Prix mode (named “Sheesh! Who’s The Fastest Horse??”) where you could walk, canter, or trot in a big circle, and it was about that time when the higher-ups started asking if we could strap motors to the horses to make them go faster, and maybe add wheels to them too.  I began to realize something had gone very, very wrong at Nintendo…
…”Excuse me, but I think you mean ‘It matters who has sex with WHOM’ if it causes office drama”, I said, but [Min] talked right over my correction, AGAIN…
…the bananas were the last vestige of our original design, left over from when they were character-specific treats for the noble Horsecess Peach. Nintendo wanted them cut, but Miyamoto said he’d quit then and there unless they were left in.  He loved his Horsecess, and even though all her data had been erased [on Black Thursday], he wanted her memory to survive.  He put his job on the line for her, for those big ol’ bananas she loved so much.  And those of us in “the stable” loved him for it…

I could type out the whole book here!  Super fascinating.  Thanks for the book, David!!
[BOOKWAR]

that’s a stock photo, you can find it on Getty with the tags “man, one man only, adult man, beard, facial hair, salty beard, sea captain maybe, glasses (spectacles), cool glasses (neat spectacles), sweater, one red sweater only (no pants), bewildered, handsome, handsome man but also bewildered, chagrined, mario shell, blue shell, mario blue shell only, blank background, one man one shell, friendly, looks like a good dude to be pals with, nice-looking, good kisser”
You can tell this is not a real book because David W. Malki is actually my uncle’s name (the W stands for “Watch out, I’m not the other David Malki”) but he would never have written this book as he is a noted horse racist

ryannorth:

A lot of David’s “Wondermark” Malki’s books that I’ve come across have been embarrassing or mean to me forNO REASON but this is the first of his books that I’m actually REALLY into!  This is awesome!!

I’d never heard of Horsey Race 64 (there’s not even an entry for it on the Mario Wiki, which is NUTS) but check out these interview excerpts from David’s book:

Nintendo’s offices at that time were open, but everyone had their own cubicle.  People would move around, depending on what projects were being worked on.  Me and a few other developers had worked out this - demo, I guess you’d call it, where Mario was a horse, and Bowser was a horse, and everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom was a horse now too.  We saw it as a culmination of Miyamoto’s dream of Centaur Mario, which we’d been unable to realize for Mario 3…

…I’d implemented most of the gaits: walk, trot, canter, but gallop was giving me trouble to get it just right.  I’d called [Tom] over to help me get Mario’s trot just right when the higher-ups noticed a bunch of us crowded around my desk.  His scent was intoxicating…

…At first everyone was excited about this game that we were calling Okay, Wow, Mario’s A Horse Now.  We’d only implemented Horsio, Horsuigi, Horsecess Peach, and King HorseBowser, but we had a pet-and-groom mode for each that, years later, would be recycled for Nintendogs

…you could form this really meaningful relationship with our members of the Horseroom Kingdom: they’d remember who you were and how you’d treated them in the past.  You built up trust with them.  Several devs were caught staying late just to program in some extra treats for their favourite horses (and yes, I admit, I slipped Horsey Kong a few extra apples here and there)…

…we’d built a Grand Prix mode (named “Sheesh! Who’s The Fastest Horse??”) where you could walk, canter, or trot in a big circle, and it was about that time when the higher-ups started asking if we could strap motors to the horses to make them go faster, and maybe add wheels to them too.  I began to realize something had gone very, very wrong at Nintendo…

…”Excuse me, but I think you mean ‘It matters who has sex with WHOM’ if it causes office drama”, I said, but [Min] talked right over my correction, AGAIN…

…the bananas were the last vestige of our original design, left over from when they were character-specific treats for the noble Horsecess Peach. Nintendo wanted them cut, but Miyamoto said he’d quit then and there unless they were left in.  He loved his Horsecess, and even though all her data had been erased [on Black Thursday], he wanted her memory to survive.  He put his job on the line for her, for those big ol’ bananas she loved so much.  And those of us in “the stable” loved him for it…

I could type out the whole book here!  Super fascinating.  Thanks for the book, David!!

[BOOKWAR]

that’s a stock photo, you can find it on Getty with the tags “man, one man only, adult man, beard, facial hair, salty beard, sea captain maybe, glasses (spectacles), cool glasses (neat spectacles), sweater, one red sweater only (no pants), bewildered, handsome, handsome man but also bewildered, chagrined, mario shell, blue shell, mario blue shell only, blank background, one man one shell, friendly, looks like a good dude to be pals with, nice-looking, good kisser”

You can tell this is not a real book because David W. Malki is actually my uncle’s name (the W stands for “Watch out, I’m not the other David Malki”) but he would never have written this book as he is a noted horse racist

Ryan, I have just one question, and it is “Why was this in the ‘autobiography’ section”
Actually, one follow-up: “What will your Patreon money be going toward, exactly”
[ BOOKWAR ]

Ryan, I have just one question, and it is “Why was this in the ‘autobiography’ section”

Actually, one follow-up: “What will your Patreon money be going toward, exactly”

[ BOOKWAR ]

ryannorth:

So I was sitting in my kitchen enjoying a carefully-curated selection of nuts (pictured) when what should slide across it but “Sex In Your Thirties”, what appears to be the latest in a series of books by David Malki about David Malki's sexual exploits!
As a man who is also in his 30s, I found this book really interesting and I’m glad David wrote it!  No lie.  I could’ve done with less of the full-colour glossy-printed nude selfies ON EVERY SINGLE PAGE (sometimes multiple times per page) (especially when David photoshopped a wholly-unnecessary two-page spread of a David-only orgy scene), but sex is something that’s important to many of us, and too often ignored, especially as we age.
Good work, David!!  PS It was brave of you to be so naked in front of so many people
[BOOKWAR]

Ryan is an on-record enthusiastic fan of the Up Series so I don’t know why he’s so tweaked by my decennial sex manuals? The previous three volumes are out of print but I’m sure the next six or seven will be worth the wait.

ryannorth:

So I was sitting in my kitchen enjoying a carefully-curated selection of nuts (pictured) when what should slide across it but “Sex In Your Thirties”, what appears to be the latest in a series of books by David Malki about David Malki's sexual exploits!

As a man who is also in his 30s, I found this book really interesting and I’m glad David wrote it!  No lie.  I could’ve done with less of the full-colour glossy-printed nude selfies ON EVERY SINGLE PAGE (sometimes multiple times per page) (especially when David photoshopped a wholly-unnecessary two-page spread of a David-only orgy scene), but sex is something that’s important to many of us, and too often ignored, especially as we age.

Good work, David!!  PS It was brave of you to be so naked in front of so many people

[BOOKWAR]

Ryan is an on-record enthusiastic fan of the Up Series so I don’t know why he’s so tweaked by my decennial sex manuals? The previous three volumes are out of print but I’m sure the next six or seven will be worth the wait.

Top image – detail view from Wondermark #1017!

We’ve seen the Cryo-Stor™ before, too; the second image is from Wondermark #614, “Procrastihibernation”. It was cropped by the panel borders, but there was a lot going on there in the ground-based version. Makes sense they’d streamline matters for space travel.

MAKING A DIY TELEPROMPTER FOR $0.00 USING JUST STUFF I HAVE LYING AROUND AT HOME

A process video? An un-useful tutorial? Only you can decide.

Just 2 things, Ryan…
You don’t have to say “fiction novel.” The fiction part is implied by the word “novel”.
Why is this book in the Port Authority bathroom
UPDATE: I have learned that it is in every Port Authority bathroom, so I suppose that answers #2, while also raising new questions
[ BOOKWAR ]

Just 2 things, Ryan

  1. You don’t have to say “fiction novel.” The fiction part is implied by the word “novel”.
  2. Why is this book in the Port Authority bathroom

UPDATE: I have learned that it is in every Port Authority bathroom, so I suppose that answers #2, while also raising new questions

[ BOOKWAR ]